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Port Macquarie Counselling and Life Coaching
Article: An Emotional Affair

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An emotional affair usually starts out innocently enough as a friendship. We all need close, supportive friendships. However, when that friendship goes beyond friendship into emotional intimacy, we need to be aware that we are moving into dangerous territory.

An emotional afffair, is an affair where intimate details are being shared with another person other than the marriage partner. An emotional affair creates distance between the married couple. An emotional affair is a threat to a marriage.

The problem is with emotional affairs is that they don't seem to be a concern - at first.

Early signs may be that your partner may start to feel left out, or that something is not quite right, they might even be starting to feel a bit jealous of the other person. When your partner suggests that something is not quite right, you find yourself saying 'but we're just friends'.

The betrayal of an emotional affair can be just as debilitating as that of a physical affair. While physical boundaries may not have been crossed, you are taking your emotional communication outside your marriage. Then you don't have that same level of connection, left to share with your partner.

How can you recognize an emotional affair?

Some signs to tell you that a relationship has gone too far:

  • You find yourself sharing personal thoughts with them instead of, or before you tell your partner.
  • You find yourself telling personal stories with them instead of, or before you tell your partner.
  • You keep conversations with him / her a secret from your partner.
  • You text them a lot.
  • You feel as though he/she understands you better than your partner.
  • You keep activities involving him/her a secret from your partner.
  • You feel closer emotionally with him/her than you do with your partner.
  • You feel impatient for your next contact.
  • You alter your normal routine in order to spend more time with him/her.
  • You find ways to spend time alone with the person without your parnter knowing.
  • You have fantasies about sharing a life together.

Be Aware:

If you are finding yourself getting involved in an emotional affair... be aware that you are on a dangerous path. Avoid spending time alone with the other person. Avoid trips / dinners / events where your marriage partner won't be. Watch out for nights out after work alone, where too much alcohol is involved.

Focus back in:

Start to focus back on your marriage partner - do loving things for your partner, and spend time together. Learn communication skills to help your marriage. What are you lacking in your marriage that you are seeking in someone else? Talk to a therapist and do a a bit of discovery so that you can make your marriage a lovelier place to be. Start dating your marriage partner again - win their affections.


Couples counselling/coaching relationship sessions are not appropriate: If you or your partner is having an ongoing affair - disclosed or secret. OR, if there is domestic violence or abuse of any type.

Affairs: There are two types of affairs - a physical affair and an emotional affair.

Call today for an appointment - contact me.

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